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Our server brought us a bread basket that my date grabbed three of four rolls from and then started playing weird games with.
Like, she would scoop dough out of a roll, pound it into a little ball, and then put it back in the basket! Did you ever see that movie ‘Conspirators of Pleasure,’ with the woman who fetishizes bread and snorts dough balls?
• I went back to the person’s place after a concert and unwittingly served as passive-aggressive muscle for a drug deal. But when the conversation turned to “future plans” the guy could not tell me much beyond how many dogs he wanted to own at some future time. • Made the wrong comment about conceptual artist Matthew Barney to the wrong art student…
It was perilously close to that scene from Boogie Nights. got called a “bourgeois pig.” • He spent one-third of the time telling me about the musical he was writing about raccoons, one-third of the time talking about C , and one-third of the time demonstrating the plot of Othello using the salt and pepper shakers.
• My date ‘encouraged’ me to share the 0 steak for two.
It was delicious, but he proceeded to pick out every single piece of fat from his mouth and made a pile of it on the side of his plate.
It was about killing unicorns (and no he was not being ironic). Captain Pretentious • Dude talked for several hours nonstop about his multi-discipline art project, which was based solely on an experience his father had 40 years ago.
I kept making, “oh that’s nice,” “okay,” sort of comments and he just kept singing louder and louder. When I got home, I had an e-mail from him saying that we didn’t have any “chemistry.” Chemistry, really? It was the only thing he talked about, no exaggeration, for 70% of the date.
• A young woman and I got along pretty well in the bar where we’d agreed to meet, but things went downhill when we decided to get dinner at a nearby restaurant.• I can’t even begin to rehash the details, but the guy drove a Cougar as if it were a Ferrari, had a facial twitch that I’m pretty sure can be seen from space, had favorite hobbies along the lines of watching History channel documentaries, and disapproved of my eating of croutons in my salad. • I went on a date with an otherwise cute girl who wore a “Trogdor the Burninator” shirt and said at least one 4chan meme to me, unprompted, out loud. Girl randomly started replying and cursing at my tweets.• I once went out with someone who, within an hour of meeting me, told me that his ultimate fantasy was to date a replicant. • This guy commutes to the city from Connecticut, which I never really get (why not just live in New York? I suggested that he must really treasure his vegetable garden or something in order to put up with 2.5 hours/day on Metro- North. He called me a hippie for growing my own vegetables.If you’re not up for reading about that today, you should take a pass.But we think we’d be remiss not to include the dark and very real amongst the wacky and bizarre.